One of the greatest problems that you and your partner) will face will be dealing with an unplanned or unwanted pregnancy advice. You may worry about your increased sense of duty or worry about the loss of your current independent lifestyle.
If you are in a stable partnership, the money to accommodate a new baby may not be available to you and your partner. You can be in school, for instance, or unemployed. You might also be worried that it would compromise your future.
When you are a single woman or in a relationship that you fear will not survive, an unexpected pregnancy may also be daunting. You may be surprised if you find out that you are going to have twins or triplets, even if you have been consciously trying to have a child and perhaps going through fertility therapy.
Emotions You May Experience with an Unplanned Pregnancy
Just as every pregnancy is different, every question, statement, and piece of advice that you’ll receive during pregnancy is different, too—but there are some pretty standard things that expect moms to hear from everyone they encounter. Here are some of the most popular ones.
- Shocked and overpowered
- Confused, nervous, sad.
- Guilty and regretting that you have not been more vigilant
- Serious to yourself and feeling responsible
- Isolated and lonely
- Worried not to experience commitment to your unborn child
- Anxiety because your life is out of balance
Unwanted Pregnancy Advice
No matter how much testing you’ve done, how many in-depth talks you’ve had with your OBGYN, or the fact that this is your body and your baby, you can still feel like you don’t know as much as the people who send you unsolicited advice. But that’s not the case.
You could hear obnoxious remarks like, “Make sure you don’t get too much weight in the third quarter! “Or you might hear, “Don’t get overstressed at work. This isn’t good for the baby!” This guide will tell you what to do with everything from breastfeeding and vaccination to pregnancy, sex and episiotomy. You didn’t inquire, but that doesn’t deter them.
Inappropriate Comments and Opinions
Before talking to pregnant women, people should be more conscious that each pregnancy is different, and that each pregnant woman could have different feelings, ranging from insecurity to tension, and more.
However you might hear people wrongly remark that your knees are bloated, that expectant mothers should wear some types of clothing (and not wear others or that you should not eat or drink a whole host of items while pregnant.
Listen to your doctor when it comes to changes in your body and foods that you should or should not eat, but don’t feel like you have to obey the guidelines that people are going to throw at you—especially because they’re not always valid.
Sometimes, questions that are typically considered “too personal” suddenly become the ones that people ask, putting expectant moms in a super awkward position to have to investigate their breasts, vaginas, bowel movements, and everything in between.
Steps to Take for an Unplanned Pregnancy
Trying to wrap your mind around an unplanned or unwanted pregnancy can be a huge challenge. Making important decisions about your pregnancy when you feel overwhelmed and depressed is not a good idea. Instead, take your time and think about your situation before you take action. Here are some valuable tips for you as you go through this process:
Talk to your partner, if you have one
Explore how each of you thinks and feels about being a parent-respecting each other’s rights and obligations. You may be shocked to find that each of you feels different from what you expected.
Discuss how pregnancy impacts your life-together and separately. If you feel like your spouse is rude or manipulating you one way or the other, consider it as an indication of what your potential relationship with a child would be like, should you plan to go through the pregnancy.
Meet with your religious leader
If you decide not to have a child, and your religious or moral convictions do not consent to abortion, speak with religious leaders to see how they can help you. You should also meet with the adoption agencies to see what they have to say.
Seek the support of friends
Speak to friends and family who will be able to help you through this period. Find mates who can keep your news private before you know what to do about it. Ensure that those you want to speak to are not going to judge you, and give you room to consider while you make a decision. Ask them to listen to you without offering any unsolicited advice or telling their own stories, until you ask them to do so.
Consider Counseling for Unwanted Pregnancy
If you and your partner are not in agreement with your choices, or if you feel stuck and have trouble making a decision, therapy will help. It will give you and your partner room to think and help prevent conflict. You can also find that the problem is not pregnancy, but some of the problems in the relationship that need to be addressed.
Even if you are clear about your decision, it might be helpful to speak with a counselor to consider your options and prevent regrets later. After the initial shock of learning that you are pregnant, you may find that you don’t feel an emotional connection to your child. If this is the case, therapy may be effective.
If you feel obligated to continue pregnancy for religious or moral reasons, doing what is “right” will cause problems for you, your child, and your partner later on. It’s not rare to feel anger and ambivalence towards the child if this happens. Counseling will help you work out the mixed emotions.
Being able to have an emotional connection and a relationship with your child is the key to having a stable home for your child to grow. Although it is true that an unwanted pregnancy does not necessarily lead to an unwanted birth, it is likely that you as a mother, will be the most affected by the effects of the decision, because you will be the primary caregiver for your child.
Research shows that when women say they don’t feel they can take care of a child properly, it’s important to listen to them. According to research, unintentional and unwanted pregnancies can have harmful physical and psychological consequences.
These include higher illnesses and maternal and infant mortality, low academic performance and poor social transition for infants. These negative outcomes persist even though children are born to adult women with unaffected marriages and sufficient economic opportunities.
If you are faced with an unexpected pregnancy and have a hard time adapting to the idea of becoming a mother, or if you feel depressed and unsupported, you may benefit from professional help. Getting a therapist will help you clear your mind and find out what will be the best option for you or your family.
What You Can Do (And Say)
We’re going to break this into two essential categories: reacting to strangers and family or friends. It’s one thing when a random person in a supermarket asks a personal question, but you’ll (probably) never see them again. It’s another thing when the person asking the wrong questions is someone close to you. Therefore, your answer is likely to be different.
How to respond when you’re a stranger:
- Keep it a little short and sweet. If you are answering a question or addressing an offensive statement, try not to give a message that you are open to discussion. A simple “yes” or no” is all right. You may say Thank you for the tip! “Or I’m going to keep that in mind! “(even though you don’t). Feel free to say nothing by nodding or laughing, just to get away from the situation.
- Ignore that. You have the freedom not to participate at all. Know that you’re in charge of that. You can walk away absolutely, miss all the pleasures and just go. If you haven’t started a conversation with this person, you don’t owe an answer to their inappropriate comments.
- Deflect. Deflect. You can change the topic in the hope that they get a hint, or you can make the argument that it’s not an acceptable question that you feel comfortable answering. A simple “I don’t like that question,” or “I don’t feel comfortable discussing that with you just works fine.
- Remember the power of just walking away, and you may even teach that person a lesson in invasive questions (even though it’s definitely not your job to train them!).
You should handle a friend, co-worker, or family member in exactly the same way as a stranger, particularly if it’s someone you don’t often see or have a close relationship with.
But it may be important to set some limits with close family and friends; otherwise, their bad attitudes may linger, making you miserable for a better part of your pregnancy (and maybe even after that, too, when the baby arrives).
How to respond when you know someone:
- Be frank with me. Let the other person know how their remarks or questions make you feel: “I don’t like talking about my weight, can we keep it off the table? “Sometimes people just don’t get that a subject they don’t have a problem addressing is awkward for someone else; you would have to warn them if you want them to understand.
- Set your boundaries. With volatile family dynamics, you can need to first voice your problem and, second, let people know what’s going to happen if they can’t respect your feelings. For example, if you’ve chosen to go back to work after your maternity leave and your mother-in-law continually criticizes that decision, tell her that it’s not up to discussion: you’d like her help, but if she can’t give it to you then you’d like her to stop bringing it to you. If she can’t do it, you’re going to walk out of the room/hang up the phone/mute her text/do whatever you need to isolate yourself from the conversation whenever it comes up.
- To redirect. Often people just want to help, but they don’t know how. If your well-meaning friend keeps giving you her opinion on sleep training, ask her for advice on choosing a crib or basin instead. She’ll be sure to know that she helped you prepare for your baby’s sleep, and in the meantime, you’ll get everything that you really need in exchange.
We know that facing something that makes you uncomfortable, particularly about unwanted pregnancy advice, can lead to even more anxiety or discomfort—at first. But note, if you can find the right way to deal with unwanted questions about your pregnancy, it’s like flexing your muscles. The more you do it, the easier it is for you to let people know your limits. This is not only helpful for pregnancy, but for the rest of your life.
How to Deal With Unwanted Pregnancy Advice: Watch Now!